Flies, Oh My Lord! Volume 1

I was ready to nail my job interview with the dean of the library at a large public university. In a rare bit of overconfidence, my biggest concern was my lack of a library-appropriate inside voice.

Big mistake.

Instead of a dusty, fusty and musty stereotype, the dean’s office was ultra contemporary. Museum-quality modern art. A barren, spotless acrylic desk. Tons of polished chrome, glass and leather.

Far from Marion the Librarian, the dean was perfectly coiffed and impeccably tailored in a black Armani pantsuit and pumps with the unmistakable red sole of Christian Louboutins.

I schlumped after her as she led me to one of the seating areas.

Armless and slick leather, the chairs were deep with v-shaped, sloped seats — Venus Flytraps for a klutz like me. With no way to eventually extricate myself, I perched, on edge in more ways than one.

As we chatted, I gained back my interview juju.

Then I noticed her fly was open. Not simply open, but gaping. Yawning. The Grand Canyon of XYZ.

I heard myself say words like “ … develop a communication plan … determine tactics … collaborate with a team … ” as my brain gamed out more X’s and O’s than Andy Reid on any given Sunday.

“Be straightforward and tell her … But these stupid chairs … she’d have to stand and that would be even more awkward … now it’s too late … “

Where to safely look? Every shiny surface reflected that infinite black hole of my professional doom.

As is so often the case, life only got weirder.

“As my director of communication, would you tell me hard truths? Say I’m giving a big speech, would you tell me if I something was wrong?”

Where was the hidden camera? Was this a sick test? Was her doctorate in psychology not library science?

Finally, a saving thought before my head popped off: If this was a test, would I want to work for this dean?

Nope.

I ran out the clock, thanked her for her time and wimped out by telling her executive assistant about the dean’s barn door situation on my way out.

What would you have done? I’m not the only one with weird interview stories, right? Please share yours.